theatre is my therapy

This is currently my favorite picture. 

Every time a show is put on, a family forms. A group with a bunch of inside jokes and secrets that only they really get. Non-theatre people can usually spot a theatre person from a mile away. Mostly because the theatre person is shouting at everyone who will (and won't) listen to come to their show. 

Because it's really good. I promise. Like, the best thing to happen onstage. Seriously. Come to the show. You won't regret it. ...please?...

The picture above is the 'Act One people' from The Devil and Daniel Webster. But that's not the whole picture. I see the horse collar that someone put Horace Oats on for opening night. I see the scruff marks on the devil's knees from being shoved to the ground every night. I see walls that have quotes and jokes written in Sharpie on the back. I see a podium that, on the last performance, had a microphone and phone taped to the back (a failed attempt at a prank). I see a Daniel Webster who had to down painkillers every night because of a serious knee injury. I see four people who rehearsed a play approximately 30 times and still got along after the fact.

(Shout-out to the ten 'Act Two people' who had to wait backstage for their chance to come onstage and be completely terrifying and awesome. I give extra props to the ones who managed to fall asleep while waiting.)

I just so happened to be lucky enough to get to be a part of the ideal cast. (Twice) And I'm so thankful for the impact these people have had on my life. During this in-between stage of my life where I'm not in school, it was such a relief to be a part of this group that accepted me in all my quiet craziness. There were multiple times when I was just behind the set, listening to the audience during the funny parts of our show, hoping they would laugh, when I thought I'm so glad I stayed home. This is why. This. Right. Here. Being a part of a collaborative effort got me out of my 'all of my friends left' slump (which is totally not true. The majority of my friends either haven't graduated yet, aren't at college, or are a Facebook message away. I just like to feel sorry for myself sometimes.) and back into reality. 

Not a ton of people came to see the show. But the ones that came got a good show. I'm not even biased. We put on a good show. So, thank you to my cast mates. Thanks for being amazing. I can't wait to work with you all again. 

Today is the Day

Today is the day I would be moving in to my dorm and unpacking my things ready to start a new chapter in my life. People would be giving me life advice and well wishes on my Facebook wall. My stomach would be flip-flopping and I'd be trying not to cry as I hugged my family good-bye. My friends from camp and I would be reuniting after years of not seeing each other. 

But today isn't the day. Today is just another day. The only thing that makes this day different than yesterday is that my social media is blowing up with pictures and exclamations points and '#Classof2019' plastered everywhere. 

Since I was little I had planned on going to college right away. To be honest, I never really wanted to. But I had a plan. Until I changed my mind. Until I turned down my ideal school three times for what seemed like no reason at all. I answered phone calls, explaining why I couldn't take money and would they please wait for a year for me to figure myself out a little bit.

So, no. I'm not joining my peers at college today. I won't be #Classof2019.

Today I'm working on homeschool blog posts for the upcoming 50's musical. I'm memorizing lines for a show where I get to yell in the devil's face and profess my love for a hell-bound farmer in front of a jury of dead people. I get to go to work and train one of my dear friends on how to serve up fudge and count up the till. I'm knitting up sweaters. 

I won't be experiencing the same things that my friends will. I get to do different things. Crazy, weird things. And that's okay. I cannot wait to hear stories about school and college. I've loved this summer of spending time with people I won't be seeing this year. I've loved paying in cupfuls of change at WalMart, going on rollercoasters and not throwing up, getting my ears double pierced in front of passersby at the mall, catching shoplifters in the act, helping some awesome people write up puppet scripts for day camps this summer, and getting back into community theatre after a year off. 

I have to continually remind myself that just because the things I'm experiencing and going through are different doesn't mean that they aren't just as important. Even though I won't be studying from a curriculum like my siblings (BTW, it's super weird not being a part of the school year in my house. Watching my siblings studying without having the feeling that I should be doing the same is something I wasn't ready for. I've resorted to curling up in my room to read and knit) I will still be learning this year. I have the opportunity to stretch myself outside my boundaries and figure out who I am outside of school. 

 I've gotten a good deal of confused - or even pitying - looks, but the incredible amount of support that I've received far outweighs any negativity. I'm thankful for the people that I'm surrounded with and I can't wait to spend this year with them. 

July

July started out with a family reunion/mass graduation, birthday, and anniversary party/cheese factory tour (because how else would you want to start out the 4th of July weekend??). Check out the super-fashionable booties pictured above and feel free to be as jealous as you like. 

Family reunions are a ton of fun especially when stories about flying planes, driving with past presidents, and getting struck by lightening start going around.

Two days *after* the family extravaganza I was bagging candy at work when the realtor next door to the candy shop started knocking on the storeroom door. Turns out tornado sirens had gone off and I had missed them. A few minutes later the phone call from my boss confirmed that there was in fact a tornado and that I should go in the backroom or the flower-shop basement to stay away from the windows (yes, in case you were wondering, half the stores in my town are connected to the candy shop). 

Except for -really- needing to go to the bathroom, we made it out of the backroom without a scratch. Plus, I got to chill with a realtor behind shelves of taffy and gummi worms for forty-five minutes. That's not something you go through everyday, We decided that if we didn't make it out of the storm alive, death by being smothered in candy wouldn't be the worst way to go.

Meet Camellia. My new partner in crime. She's pretty fantastic. We went on our first adventure together this past week when I got called in to be the un-official official photographer for my church's VBS.

I'm super excited to work with her a lot more this year...

untitled

The inward battle of right and wrong.

Heavy metal vs. quiet love song.

Bending memories to forget the truth.

Destroying evidence to remove the proof.

Ashamed of yourself. What you've become.

Wishing to go back, retry, move on.

Stuck in a cycle - you can't quite break free.

Still learning to live and beginning to see

That you aren't defined by the things that you've done. 

You aren't a mess. Your battle's been won.

The past will stay there. It cannot be changed.

The future's what you make it. Just don't be afraid. 

Since Everyone Else Is Doing It

I got back from a week of vacation to find the internet had blown up. Facebook is full of rainbow filtered profile pictures and hate comments. I became exhausted just reading everything. I do want to put my opinion out there, however. At the end of the school year, I wrote up a paper about gay marriage. I'm going to post it below and not return to this subject on my blog because, like I said, I'm tired of it. 

There tends to be two sides portrayed by the media when it comes to the issue of gay marriage. 

The 'no tolerance'-'God hates gays' extremist Christians and 'everyone deserves 

happiness', understanding liberals. The topic seems to have been wrung dry by online bloggers, TV 

newscasters, and argumentative friends at the lunch table or Facebook comment feed. There's a 

group that tends to get left out of these discussions, and that's the 'observer who doesn't want to 

argue, but disagrees with both sides of the issue'. Christians need to treat everyone they talk to 

with a love that stems from Jesus. Remembering that all humans, including themselves, are soaked 

in sin and deserve hell is necessary when discussing the wrongdoings of others. 

The Bible straight up says that homosexuality is a sin and should, therefore, be avoided. It is 

a sinful perversion, and veers from the guidelines put in place from the start of the world. 

Purposefully living against those guidelines and not making any effort to repent and change sinful 

ways shows rejection toward God and his creation. Gay marriage is a blatant way of expressing 

the sin of homosexuality. 

God made males and females different for a reason. Adam and Eve needed each other to 

build each other up and to populate the earth. Even from an evolutionary standpoint, being in a 

gay relationship doesn't reap the benefits that a relationship between a man and woman would. It's 

physically impossible for two males or two females to naturally have a child together and continue 

the human race. It's not denying happiness to say that marrying someone of the same sex is wrong, 

it's a way of looking out for people who have sinful urges. 

An argument that is heard frequently in favor of gay marriage is that they were 'born that 

way'. This is completely and 100% true. Every single person is born with sin and they live with 

that sin their entire lives. Each person's struggles are different. Their struggles could range from 

anger issues, lust, jealousy, fear, homosexuality, etc. How people deal with those struggles 

determines who they are and their faith life. Someone could identify themselves as gay, but later in 

life go to God and counselors with their problems. Someone else could grow up going to Sunday 

school and church every week, but fall out of faith because of an alcohol addiction or drug 

problem that they refuse to seek help for. 

People don't want to hear that what they feel or the things that they do are wrong. It's the job 

of a Christian to help others and tell them about Jesus. Part of helping others is telling them 

when they're doing something wrong. In some circumstances, this duty gives Christians a 

judgmental sense of entitlement where instead there should be a desire to help rooted in love. When 

approaching the subject of homosexuality, Christians should keep in mind that they are talking to 

humans who are just as set in their mind as they are. Too often, a desperate need to be right 

overcomes the need to be kind. 

It's important to remember that although there will be homosexuals in hell, there will also be 

people who claimed to be a Christian. Only God can see into people's hearts and see what sort of 

faith they have.

Graduation

Graduation caps are ugly and there is no way to fix that. People may decorate them or scour Pinterest for tutorials on how to pin them back (note: while this sort of works, it will feel like you're always about to lose your cap. It's probably not worth it.), but that doesn't hide the fact that it's a piece of cardboard resting on top of your head. Let's not even get into tassels, especially dysfunctional ones that fall apart every few minutes.  

But seriously. Like I've said before - I don't like being told I don't get to do something. I was jump up and down in my seat excited to wear a cap, gown, and tassel. But Pomp & Circumstance started my stomach totally flopped. 

Why was I so nervous?!

Seriously, there's nothing to be scared about, but I'm pretty sure every graduate feels similar right before the ceremony. That sort of rush of *is this really happening?* *I thought only grown ups graduated* *Does that make me one of the grown ups? That's weird.* *What if I fall or drop the diploma or something?*

I didn't fall. I didn't drop my diploma. I am an adult (with no intentions of growing up ;) -kidding-). I didn't give a speech (except to say thank you :) ). I walked down the aisle. I pledged allegiance to the flag. I watched and laughed at pictures in the slideshow. My stomach flopped again when it was announced that the presentation of the diplomas was about to begin. My mom gave a wonderfully sweet speech, my dad handed me my diploma, and that was it. I got to stand up and turn my tassel in front of a church of people. -I got to toss that hideous hat off of my head- 

Since I didn't make a speech, I thought I'd write a few words here instead. 

I mentioned in my 'thank-you' that my parents were supportive. To give you an idea of just how supportive they are, I came downstairs one day and said that, even though I'd been planning on going to a particular college for about five years, I wanted to stay home to make a documentary and start a theatre group. Instead of telling me that it probably wasn't smart to put off education, they told me that they loved the idea and would support me regardless of what I decided to do. 

I don't know how to express in words all that my parents have done for me. Especially when it comes to my education. I'm so thankful that I was homeschooled. It's not right for everyone, but it was just right for me (even though I didn't always see it). As the 'test child' ( ;) ), I got to experience a large variety of curricular. We joke about how my mom doesn't like to stick to one curriculum, but in all seriousness, I liked it. I liked switching it up before I got bored. I like consistency, but when it comes to learning, I tend to zone out when it gets monotonous. Thankfully, it never did. :)

When I say that I like consistency, I mean that I don't like change. I don't like trying new things because it's scary. I need to be pushed into things. My poor parents have had to stay up with me talking and talking and talking to convince me to make decisions. Because of those talks and gentle pushes, I've become a more decisive (and sometimes impulsive, but in my case that's a positive) and independent person.

So I'm sending this big thank you out to my parents for always being there for me, supporting me, and pushing me when I needed it. 

In Defense of Harry Potter

I didn't have a picture for this post, but I still have a plethora of old photos on the computer thanks to graduation slideshows and poster-boards. I'm thinking this one could tie in to the family aspect of the below post. Maybe? I don't know. 

Warning: I wrote this post up during a two-hour quiet spell (pun intended) at work. It probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense (as if anything I post on the internet does ;) ), but it's something I've been thinking about, so there you go. Feel free to read or not read.



My parents didn't want me to read Harry Potter. I didn't want to read Harry Potter. My seven

year old self thought it sounded silly. Then I started hearing more and more about it from 

my cousins and people I met at camp. I have a memory from the summer of 2006 when my 

dad was working on building our (then) new garage. I went up to him and asked if I could  please read Harry Potter. My parents came back to me with the decision that yes, I could buy Harry Potter *if* we did it as a family read-aloud.

All sorts of articles were swimming around the Internet at that time (and now) about the evils of Harry Potter. And understandably so. Witchcraft, spells, potions, all sorts of controversial topics made parents uneasy.

Harry Potter isn't for everyone. I lent my first three books to a friend a few years ago, and they enjoyed the books enough to read them, but not to continue. There are people who read Harry Potter or Hunger Games and disagree with the messages of the books, or simply don't like them. I have absolutely nothing against those people! I don't even have anything against people who don't want to read Harry Potter for religious reasons. I do think people should give it a chance.

I remember waiting until dad got home from work so he could read to us. I remember his Hagrid voice. I remember once he was so tired that he dozed off while reading and I thought it was the funniest thing in the world (I didn't have enough respect for his exhaustion to let him stay asleep. I had to know what happened next!). I remember my feeble attempts at making scarves in Gryffindor colors. I remember being spoiled on what happened at the end of book six. 

I remember waiting for book seven to come in the mail (and waiting until after mom read it and a week of camp to be able to read it myself). Going to my first ever midnight release with my mom and friends to see the very last movie (and seeing it later that day with dad and brother after sleeping for a few hours). 

Over the past few months, my little sister has been reading the books. My parents were a little hesitant to let her read the last two books on her own, so we listened to the audio books as a family.

It was absolutely great watching her react to the things that happened in the book. It was like I was reading them again for the first time. She cried and had outbursts of triumph at all the right parts. We were able to pause in case she had questions. My sister's two favorite characters were Dobby and Neville, so for those of you who have read the last book, you can imagine the reactions she had. ;)

Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with Harry Potter. There's magic, yes. There is divination and spellcasting, but that's not what the book is about. -cue cheesy music- Harry Potter is a story about Good vs. Evil wrapped up in spiderweb plotlines, seasoned with about five complex characters with Latin-roots. Taking apart the names is a school lesson in itself. ;)


I'm thankful for the family experience that Harry Potter was for me. I'm thankful for the world it was able to take me to, and I'm thankful for the stories I hear from around the globe about the positive influences Harry Potter has had on other people's lives. I don't think Harry Potter is a substitute for religion, however. People *shouldn't* let their world's revolve around a boy wizard who had dorky, relate-able friends. There's a difference between getting wrapped up in a story and letting it take you to a different place, and trying to stay in that place forever. 

That's true for any young adult series, but Harry Potter fans in particular get portrayed as manic and obsessive (in an unhealthy way).

This is one of my favorite videos on YouTube when it comes to describing healthy enthusiasm. (0:42 - 1:41 for Harry Potter stuff :) )

In short - as one of the few Potterhead homeschoolers in existence, I feel it's my duty to speak up and say that Harry Potter didn't scar me (pun intended) and it didn't turn me into a rebellious, spell-casting teenager. I urge you to give it a chance, and if you don't like it, or find something objectionable in it, I wouldn't be offended in the slightest. In fact, I'd really like to hear what you have to say in the comments below. 

Thanks, guys!