In Which I Learn About Myself

The past months have involved countless trips to our local theater. First, my little sister was in the summer musical and I was in the fall play. Three days after the last performance of the fall play, practice for the Christmas show began. 

Today I walked out of that theater without the intention of returning later in the week. It felt incredibly strange. The theater has begun to feel like a second home. I've learned about myself while on and off stage. 

I've learned that I'm awkward at small talk and even more awkward at accepting the backstage compliments that form a theatre family. 

I've learned that if I laugh at my own mistakes, they don't seem as bad. Opening night of the Christmas show, I was supposed to say 'Even without the tree, and the presents, we do have a lot to be thankful for...(like the) children and each other'. Instead the words 'Even without the children, we do have a lot to be thankful for..(like the) children.'

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all weekend. (When I'm not getting rid of my children, that is.)

I learned that I am not a fan of being the only one onstage. I much prefer having someone to bounce off of. If there's someone else in a scene, I can trick myself into thinking that the whole audience is looking at *them*, not me. When I'm doing a dialogue with someone, I am talking to them and no one else is there. However, when I'm the only one on the stage, there isn't anyone to fall back on except myself. I have to put all my trust in my memory. 

I volunteered to do a reading about Good King Wenceslaus (who actually wasn't a king, he was Duke of Bohemia. In case you were wondering). My hands shake incredibly easily, so I decided instead of worrying about my hands shaking (which only results in more hand shaking) I would simply memorize the entire page. 

If you know me, then you know that I waited until less than a week before opening night to fully memorize the reading. I learned that when I do things like this to myself, I get stressed out. 

Right before dress rehearsal, the director handed me a little extra piece of the reading that she wanted me to do. It was full of dates of when churches were built and when land was donated. 

She had warned me weeks ago that she wanted that extra little bit added, she was just waiting until she got the information from other sources. Since it was just a few sentences, the addition wasn't too hard to memorize. The idea of the dates messed with my head whenever I was onstage. I didn't trust myself. I felt my face go into 'deer in headlights' mode. 

Unfortunately, the people of my town never got to hear about the church named after Good King Wenceslaus in our area. 

Fortunately, my director was incredibly nice about the whole thing and assured me it was completely fine. 

I learned that it's healthy for me to push myself. I learned that I usually need someone to help me push myself. I wanted to be in the fall show, but didn't want to actually audition. If my mom hadn't given me the nudge I needed, I probably never would have had some of the best experiences of my life. 

I learned that even though it was exhausting. Even though I missed out on other experiences. Even though it wasn't always fun, all of the trips to the theater were worth it in the end.